I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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