So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
