I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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