trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
