I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize