How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
