I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
