before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
