If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
