I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
