I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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