I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
