i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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