I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
