If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
