The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
