i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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