I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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