so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
