Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
