I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
