And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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