sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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