i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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