what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
