There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
