i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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