Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
