Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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