He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
