Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
