he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
