and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
