Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
