I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
