mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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