Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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