Just took my morning after pill in the library
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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