toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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