You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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