i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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