His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
