ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
