that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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