sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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