Apparently you make a good broom.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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