oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
