Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
