my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
