Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
