Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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