I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize