i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
