thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
