i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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