I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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