Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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