i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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