I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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