Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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