So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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