I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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