The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
