She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize