i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
