I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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