just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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