wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
