She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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