the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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