so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
