I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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