Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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