I skipped work to stalk him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
