So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
