dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
