The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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