i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize