Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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