Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
