I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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