I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
