I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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