I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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