I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
