yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
