I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
