i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
