I bet he comes in French.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
