; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
