went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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