ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
