i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
