Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
