Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
