just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize