there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
