Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
